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At the funeral of a deceased man the priest asks if anyone would like to say a word about the dearly departed.

A man steps forward to the pulpit, solemnly utters the word "plethora," then returns to his seat.

The priest says "Thank you, that means a lot."

In reply to Chrissy

Old jokes or new ones? Because the one about the kid wanting to stay with the WI team because they not beating anybody is pretty funny.

In reply to Priapus

Hahahahha - any jokes man

In reply to Chrissy

KCUF FFO

A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, “Why are you staring at me that way, haven’t you ever seen a naked woman?” The taxi driver replied, “No, I just wonder where you have my money."

In reply to Chrissy

Verbose, but I'll try this one nonetheless.

The setting is the Jamaican countryside, harvest (church service), when the local farmers/cultivators sell part of their crops or other provisions and donate the proceeds to the church.

During the sermon, the parson entreat the congregation to provide support in buying up the offerings because it's for a most worthy cause. He then proceeded to the outdoor stalls to set an example by buying grater-cake (made from grated coconut) from the closest vendor.

The first one was good, so he decided to try another. However, he hesitated, then the following exchange.

Parson: By the way, is this grater-cake clean?

Little girl (vendor): Yes Parson, wi mother mek wi wash out wi mout good before wi chew up the coconut.

In reply to nick2020

In reply to Drapsey

In reply to Chrissy
An oldie, but still good...

A Jamaican country doctor running a clinic in Mocha wanted to take a day off
work to go to Kingston, so he called his dispenser to take over.

"Obediah, Ah have fi go a Kingston today, Ah want you to keep de clinic
open, in case any patients come in. You t'ink you cyan handle it?"

'Yes, sah, yes sah!' answered Obediah, thrilled to be put in charge.

The following day the doctor returned to work. He asked Obediah, "So how
t'ings went yesterday?"

"I had was fuh to treat t'ree patients," said Obie proudly. De fuss wan seh
'im have a bad 'eadache, so mi give 'im two Tylenol. De second wan seh 'im
belly a hut 'im bad, bad, so mi give 'im some Maalox.

"Good work, good work," said the doctor, "And de t'ird patient?"

"Well, sah, suddenly dis ooman bust inna de door. An' den she tear Aff all
she clothes sah! Mi seh, ebry last piece ah she clothes, sah. An' she jump
up pan examination table, lie dung an' spread her legs dem sah . Den she
shout out, 'elp mi! Fi five years now mi neva see wan man!'"

"BWOY Obie." exclaimed the doctor, "Is wuh you do?"

"Mi put draps inna she eye dem sah." replied Obie proudly.

In reply to tops

In reply to Chrissy

not a joke but funny true story

chapelle show
prince verifies it

In reply to steveo

Love Chapelle - one of the most intelligent out there

In reply to Chrissy

In reply to sgtdjones

Ha - ole proverb seh man wid hard dick háve soft head so it must be true

In reply to tops

That's good. The writing I'm talking about.

And yet some people say that it's impossible to write patois.

In reply to Chrissy

What did Trump say when asked how to respond to Hurricane Florence?

"Pay her the same as Stormy Daniels!"


How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb?

Tell him Obama put it in.

In reply to nitro

Not sure how old this one is but here goes....

At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was nearly crushed to death!

Check out this one

In reply to Chrissy

In reply to Chrissy

A woman and her husband was cleaning their back yard when a bee stung the husband in his manhood (penis).

The penis was badly swollen, the wife rushed the husband to the emergency room and begged the doctor to treat her husband for the pain but she wanted the doctor to leave the swelling alone.

In reply to Chrissy

In reply to Emir

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

In reply to Chrissy

Cricinfo cricket jokes page

In reply to trev114

In reply to trev114

Lawsuit?

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking a day off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

Another oldie.

Three lil schoolboys - Dukes, Goofballs and Larr - were caught stealing fruits from Mr Montrose's yard. Furious like hell, Mr Montrose told them to form a line, drop their pants and bend over.

The first in line was Dukes. Montrose yelled at him, "What did you steal?". Dukes replied bravely, "A banana, sir!!!". Montrose took the banana and shoved it right up Dukes's butt. He let out a big scream, and started crying.

Second in line was Goofballs, who started crying as soon as he heard Dukes's scream. Montrose turned to him and said, "Wait. I haven't even started with you yet ..."

Goofballs replied with a tearful voice, "Sir, I ain't crying for myself. I stole a mango, but Larr ... Larr stole a pineapple ...!"

N.B. Any resemblance to handles on cc.com is purely coincidental.

In reply to black

In reply to Norm

In reply to black





Was that wife Melania.

In reply to nitro

In reply to black

HAHA

In reply to Norm

You wutliss man, you!

Btw, some people are pineapples.

Lance Gibbs to wicketkeeper: Bannas,ah guh bowl a straight ball the 3rd ball.The batsman guh miss it so you could stump he out.

Wicketkeeper to Lance Gibbs:OK

3rd ball is a straight ball and as Lance expected the batsman missed it but the ball knocked out the wicketkeeper's front tooth.


Is that a joke or a true story???

Check all dem wicketkeepers and see who wearing dentures.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

In reply to Dukes

We know you love 2 things.





















Cricket and bananas.

Sorry, I could not resist.

In reply to Dukes

Hahahahahhaa

Here is an oldie:

There was a Mr. Odd who people made fun of because of his odd name. He requested that when he died the tombstone should be left blank so that the jokes would stop. So a family was visiting the grave of their deceased relative and the kids were reading out the names of on the other graves when a little girl point out Mr. Odd's grave and exclaimed "Isn't that one odd"?

In reply to Kay

That's like 2 on a funny scale from 1-10.

In reply to black

Not your run of the mill so you are excused ...

In reply to Kay

In reply to black

Nah it's deep - very funny

In reply to Chrissy

good one!

In reply to Emir

Lol

A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move."
"Oh," said the man as he pointed at one of them, "Whose clock is that?"

St. Peter replied, "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"That's incredible, " said the man.

St. Peter pointed to another clock, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life."

The man was impressed, and then asked, "Where's Donald Trump's clock?"

St. Peter said, "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

In reply to B16JP587S

In reply to B16JP587S

biggest joke(r)

In reply to B16JP587S

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

In reply to googley

Should have put it next to Mar-a-lago

In reply to Chrissy

The path keep getting closer...like a magnet!

In reply to googley

It's unbelievable

In reply to doosra