Let's Try to Calm things Down With some jokes

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link tops Joined: Jan 12, 2003
Posts: 19933
12/29/22, 1:02:51 PM 
With the racest posts and so on, I think ppl R too eager waiting for the new year that they R getting frustrated.
Let's try to settle things down with a joke thread.

This one is old, but still good.
Don't go boxing week special shopping at Walmart!
One Day at Walmart
A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The
clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on "special'.
Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming!
"PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager. In front of a growing crowd of customers, the manager confronts the woman and asks
"Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on 'special'. Once again,
the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!!"
Doing so, she draws and even larger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying bthat?"
In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I AM GETTING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!

big grin big grin 😁🤣

link tops Joined: Jan 12, 2003
Posts: 19933
12/29/22, 1:11:51 PM 
Another one I'm sure the Jamaicans know.

Contempt of Court

Jamaican Lawyers
Jamaican lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they're not prepared for the answer.
In a recent trial, a Falmouth small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He
approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes of course me know you! Mr. Williams. Me know you since you was a pickney, and wata big disappointment you is to you
family.You tell too much lie, you cheat pan you wife, you chat people and red-eye behind dem back. You tink you is a big shot now but you no realize seh you will never be more dan a two-bit paper pusher! Yes, me know you alright!!"
The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, me know Mr. Bradley since him was a lickel bwoy too. Him lazy, and good fe nothing, him bigoted, and him always a gwan llike him white. Him cyant build a normal relationship with nobody. Fe him law practice a di wos ina Jamaica. Him cheat, him teef, noting no deh devious what him nuh do. A three different woman me hear seh him ave an one a dem a you missis! Yes sah, me know him well."
The defense attorney almost died of embarrassment.
The judge ordered both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If eida of you bastards ask her if she know me, ah
lock up oonu RAASS ina jail fe contempt!."
big grin big grin 😁🤣

link Chrissy Joined: Nov 13, 2002
Posts: 181252
12/29/22, 1:20:08 PM 
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In reply to tops

lol lol lol

link bdaTryangle Joined: Mar 27, 2014
Posts: 1344
12/29/22, 1:54:40 PM 
In reply to tops

Classic lol

link Brerzerk Joined: Mar 15, 2021
Posts: 6787
12/29/22, 2:22:14 PM 
Jamaican insurance man whe drive through country used to be big shot. This show-off one him had an abnormality, man born wid 3 testicles and used every opportunity to let it be known thinking it suggests great virility.Stopped at the village square shop and in the middle of a domino game pointed to his partner a local farmer and declared. Ah bet yuh between me n dis man yuh can find 5 balls! Men started laughing and saying no sah! Bets started to climb until a large stash was on the table. Insurance man notice his partner.End start to look nervous but slapped him on the back and said "WI got dis man!" The farmer turned to him and said. " hey boss, mek sure yuh got 4 yunnuh!" #never assume nutt'n

link WestDem Joined: Jan 20, 2009
Posts: 59377
12/29/22, 2:27:28 PM 
In reply to tops

lol lol lol

link WestDem Joined: Jan 20, 2009
Posts: 59377
12/29/22, 2:29:03 PM 
In reply to Brerzerk

lol lol lol

link bdaTryangle Joined: Mar 27, 2014
Posts: 1344
12/29/22, 2:37:55 PM 
In reply to Brerzerk

I am dead lol lol lol

link WestDem Joined: Jan 20, 2009
Posts: 59377
12/29/22, 2:41:10 PM 
Man went with a business partner for breakfast, they ordered their meal and coffee, coffee was served as ordered. Man went to the bathroom and when he returned, his coffee was black...he went "what de rass" his business partner tell him..."I can thief the milk outta yuh coffee and dat is what I did" so now let's get down to business...he fainted!

link WestDem Joined: Jan 20, 2009
Posts: 59377
12/29/22, 2:48:38 PM 
Went to San Juan once...met this couple and pronounced the city like any rookie and after minutes after telling them where I am from, they asked me on my return timeframe...I told them that it will be between "Un and Uly", they were pissed...
big grin big grin

link Brerzerk Joined: Mar 15, 2021
Posts: 6787
12/29/22, 2:57:23 PM 
In reply to WestDem

lol lol lol

link Brerzerk Joined: Mar 15, 2021
Posts: 6787
12/29/22, 3:17:58 PM 
Best joke I ever heard in my life.
Lil Trini-Indian guy @ UWI carnival best joke night.On her wedding night Mama gi' Gyula an 8 track tape n seh I wanna hear wha' you say on your wedding night see if U tek afta mi. Embarrassed she hid the ting unda the bed. Early morning lil brother at the door. Bleary-eyed she sneaked the tape to him.in 30 mins mama call Gyula wha' foolishness U saying. Poor bride. Mama, ah doan remember wha ah seh everything so new. Make shove tape to phone n bride hears this high pitched voice "OH WHAT HAPPINESS!" rapidly repeated over n over. Gyula said mam I don't think I was screaming nor talking fast. I think yuh playing the tape on the wrong speed. Mom play again hear same thing then changed the speed and heard this moan...Ohhhhh what a pppenisss. Faster Oh what HAPPINESS

link FanAttick Joined: Nov 12, 2002
Posts: 60473
12/29/22, 3:21:56 PM 
In reply to tops

lol lol

link Halliwell Joined: May 13, 2005
Posts: 19762
12/29/22, 3:22:51 PM 
In reply to Brerzerk

Wow bro I have Z E R O idea what you just ‘seh’ shock

link Chrissy Joined: Nov 13, 2002
Posts: 181252
12/29/22, 3:25:05 PM 
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In reply to Brerzerk

lol lol lol lol

link Chrissy Joined: Nov 13, 2002
Posts: 181252
12/29/22, 3:25:42 PM 
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In reply to Halliwell
Yuh een serious? Oh what ha P nis

lol lol

link Ewart Joined: Mar 4, 2005
Posts: 13140
12/29/22, 3:35:31 PM 
In reply to tops and Brerzerk



lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol


You guys make me laugh so much.

//

link Brerzerk Joined: Mar 15, 2021
Posts: 6787
12/29/22, 4:20:46 PM 
In reply to Chrissy
Then the best part of the joke- prize was a case of Red Stripe. The brethren was so sure no one could top that he just put the case of beer on his head and walked off. Not a judge budged.

lol lol

link tops Joined: Jan 12, 2003
Posts: 19933
12/29/22, 7:09:13 PM 
In reply to Brerzerk
lol lol 🤣

link tops Joined: Jan 12, 2003
Posts: 19933
12/29/22, 7:11:19 PM 
big grin big grin smileIn reply to WestDem

link Raskil Joined: Nov 12, 2002
Posts: 12284
12/29/22, 7:48:34 PM 
A fella went to the nearby village to see the future bride to be, in an arranged marriage. Everything was going nice however the groom had one question, why the girl’s toes so spread out. To which her mother quickly jumped in and said ‘because in the village she walked barefoot on mud a lot’ All went well and the marriage took place. The next day the groom was rushing the bride back to her home in anger. What’s happening shouted her mother, to which the groom replied ‘I don’t mind her walking on mud a lot but it look like she sit on mud a lot too!




lol lol lol

link CITYBOY Joined: Jul 10, 2017
Posts: 3175
12/29/22, 8:17:44 PM 
In reply to Raskil

Raskill this one for you because it is true..
Me and a buddy corner a man in Bourda market and rob him...but we get ketch ..( caught)
So we end up in court.. I told my buddy just follow my lead and stick to the same story ..
Magistrate straight up ask “where do you live?”
I answered “ no place of abode sir!”
Magistrate ask my buddy “where do you live ?”
My buddy replied “well ..the apartment on top at no place of abode where he live””
We rass get 6 months

link Raskil Joined: Nov 12, 2002
Posts: 12284
12/29/22, 8:20:23 PM 
In reply to CITYBOY

Yuh lie!
lol lol lol

link WestDem Joined: Jan 20, 2009
Posts: 59377
12/29/22, 8:21:00 PM 
In reply to Halliwell

lol lol lol

link Brerzerk Joined: Mar 15, 2021
Posts: 6787
12/29/22, 8:43:05 PM 
In reply to CITYBOY

lol lol lol lol lol lol

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