In reply to Kay
The version I have posted was di dying man and di wife saying dat fi only one dat was his was di one he was asking about - di ugly one - ah yuh honly pickney

In reply to Kay

The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset... She asked, Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?”

Helen: There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: Who said that?”

Helen: Your husband.”

Wife: Oh.”

Helen: The second reason is that I’m a better cook than you.”

Wife: Who said that?”

Helen: Your husband.”

Wife: Oh.”

Helen: The third reason is that I’m better at sex than you.”

Wife: Did my husband say that as well?”

Helen: No, the gardener did.”

Wife: So, how much do you want?”

In reply to kgbcan
🤣🤣🤣

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.
Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him.
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"
"I didn't have to," Steve replied.
"Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in the Clubhouse bar...
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."
Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
But, "How do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."
Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"
Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"
Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."

In reply to WestDem

In reply to kgbcan

There's another fishing one, if it has not been posted B4, I will look for it and post it.

In reply to kgbcan

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked. Rather tentatively she replied, "I would like it infrequently ".

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"

In reply to Kay
😀😀

Blonde went to see her Doctor...

Doctor my bottom hurts.

Doc: "Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?"

Blonde: "Right around the entrance."

Doc: "As long as you call it entrance it will hurt."

In reply to Kay

In reply to kgbcan

A grasshopper sits down at a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "Who names a drink 'Steve'?"

jamaican joke:
Huaband to wife after waking up early morning,"Sonia darlin me gat a wicked stiff neck","why yuh get a stiff neck" the wife asked,"me sleep without me pyjama top and the window was open so me get a chill",wife tell em,when yuh go bed tonight yuh must sleep without yuh pyjama bottom with the window open".

In reply to granite

In reply to granite

In reply to granite

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are charged with beating your wife to death with a wrench.'

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'you b*stard!'

The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a wrench.'

Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You Fu*king b*stard!!!'

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room, and said, 'Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?'

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, 'for fifteen years I've lived next door to that b*stard and every time I asked to borrow a fu*king wrench, he said he didn't have one!'

In reply to granite
🤣🤣🤣

In reply to kgbcan

In reply to kgbcan

What a bastard!!

Johnny, a businessman, makes a trip to China to meet Mr. Ying, the boss of a big Chinese company.

He arrives at night and is bored so he goes to a brothel. There he asks for the hottest girl they have and goes on to have sex with her. He takes her from behind and the girl is moaning like he has never heard before.

She seems to be really enjoying the action and screams: "ting pow, ting pow."

Johnny doesn't speak Chinese but he figures it means something like "great, awesome".

After he is done, he goes to sleep in his hotel room.

The next day he gets a call from Mr. Ying. He tells him that it's such a beautiful day, so why not meet on the golf course to do their business.

Johnny is okay with that and so he takes a taxi to the golf course.

At the 7th hole Mr. Ying pulls off a hole-in-one.

Johnny tries to impress Mr. Ying with a little Chinese he learned the night before and says: "ting pow", Mr. Ying! ting pow!"

Mr. Ying looks a little confused and asks: "What do you mean, wrong hole?“

In reply to Kay