CWI Hails “Heroic” India Tour: Recommends Regional Public Holiday and Curriculum Reform
In what has been described as an “unprecedented triumph in the glorious annals of West Indies cricket,” Cricket West Indies (CWI) has issued a glowing statement congratulating Coach Darren Sammy, Captain Roston Chase, and their gallant men for their heroic performance on the recent tour of India.
The statement, released with the fanfare usually reserved for World Cup victories, praised the team’s “unwavering determination to occasionally bat past lunch on Day Four,” a feat that CWI officials say “has restored pride to the Caribbean and redefined the meaning of competitive cricket.”
CWI President Dr. Kispore Sparrow—speaking from a hastily convened press conference at the Hilton (continental breakfast included)—announced that he has written to CARICOM Heads of Government urging them to declare a regional public holiday in honor of the team’s achievements. “This is history in the making,” Sparrow proclaimed. “Never before has a West Indies side managed to make India work so hard to dismiss us twice in less than four days. The resilience shown when Roston Chase faced 19 balls before tea will be spoken of for generations.”
Plans are reportedly underway for a ticker-tape parade through the streets of every major Caribbean capital, featuring open-top buses, steelpan bands, and floats depicting memorable moments such as “Roston Chase’s reverse switch hit cum sweep that almost swung” and “the fielder who dove spectacularly for a ball that still went for four.”
In an unprecedented educational initiative, the President has also written to Ministers of Education across the region, urging that “the magnificent exploits of this tour” be enshrined in the national school curricula. Proposed lessons include “The Art of Collapse Management” and “Psychological Resilience: Coping with 400-Run Deficits.”
The statement further revealed a logistical hiccup that showcased the team’s unexpected competitiveness. “No one gave our boys a chance to take any match into a fifth day,” Sparrow said proudly. “So much so that Team Manager Lewis had to negotiate with the Delhi hotel to extend the reservation—since checkout was already arranged for Day Four. That’s the spirit of surprise we bring to world cricket.”
In closing, the CWI declared the tour “a moral and spiritual victory,” reminding fans that “cricket is not about runs or wickets, but about heart, effort, and booking flexible hotel rates.”
