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Airport screening statistics

sgtdjones 2021-11-10 17:30:23 

Airport screening statistics

Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:

Terrorist Plots Discovered 0

Transvestites 133

Hernias 1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172

Enlarged Prostates 8,249

Breast Implants 59,350

Pacemakers 5,987

Adult Depends 9,871

Natural Blondes 3

I thought you might like to know these important results.


sgtdjones 2021-11-10 17:32:22 


A garbage collector in Cairns, Australia, is driving along a
street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into
his compactor.

He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out,
and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look
about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front
door and
knocks. There's no answer.

Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again -
much harder.

Eventually a Chinese man comes to the door. "Harro!"
says the Chinese man.

"Gidday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.

"I bin on toiret," explains the Chinese bloke, a bit perplexed.

Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man
smiles and tries again. "No ! No ! Mate, Where's your dust bin?"

"I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'' says the Chinese man,
still perplexed.

"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me.
Where's your 'wheelie' bin?'"

"OK, OK." replies the Chinese man with a sheepish grin
and whispers in the collector's ear. "I wheelie bin having
sex wiffa wife's sista!"

Kinda warms the heart, don't it???

sgtdjones 2021-11-10 17:36:23 

Politically incorrect jokes

In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, the correct answer is Africa.

I've heard that Apple has scrapped its plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Toronto but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche & mentioned it on FaceBook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”

The red cross have just knocked at our door and ask if we could help towards the flood in Pakistan, I said we would love to, but our hose only reaches to the bottom of the garden.

Dont blame me ...I got them in my email box....

Ottozhao666 2021-11-12 02:29:54 

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