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This message board becomes a boring place when there is no West Indies cricket. Posters start to fight more, or look for ways to fight more. The Back Room becomes even worse.

Years ago, I found on soc.culture.caribbean that an effective way to address such a situation is humor or "swars", to use a Guyanese word. A person about to tell a joke would say, "Let me throw you in a swar!". If you google soc.culture.caribbean and then search for "swar", you will see examples of my "work" from way back. They even archived the whole lot for posterity.

This thread is about cricket jokes only tho. So, here goes!

Young Kanhai gets out first ball, in the second innings of the first match of the season. The bowler runs past him and says, "You think you could bat, eh?"

Kanhai responded, "Man, you don't understand. After I score(d) 120 in the first innings, when I got back to the pavilion, all the liquor was gone!"

Another one.

Shiv, in his first match as Guyana captain, sets the field thus.

"Reon, you take the new ball. Vishal, you take the gloves and stand behind the wicket. The rest of you all - SPREAD OUT!"

In reply to Norm

The Big Cat was taken to court in a paternity case. The woman accusing him was asked on what grounds the case was based. Without hesitation, the woman replied, "Bourda, Kensington and Queen's Park Oval, Your Honor!"

In a Jones Cup match between Berbice and Demerara, Baichan and Romain settled in at the wicket, while No 3 batsman Munilal settled in with a few others behind a large bottle of XM Rum. Not long after lunch, Romain was lbw and Munilal suddenly realized he was seeing three of everything.

His teammates told him not to worry, because all he had to do was hit the middle ball. Nodding in agreement, he went to the middle, tried to tickle his first ball down the leg side and was bowled off stump!

When he got back to the pavilion, his teammates asked him, "What happened? Did you play the wrong ball?"

Munilal replied, "No, the wrong bowler!"

In reply to Norm

Guyana Sports Club fast bowler Crofty was bowling in a club match. The first ball was edged and first slip took the catch above his head. "Not out!", said the ump.

The next ball found the edge again and this time the keeper caught it waist high. "Not out", said the ump again.

The next ball was a searing yorker that uprooted the middle stump and had the keeper and slips ducking desperately to avoid a bail in the eye. Crofty turned around and headed back to his bowling mark. On passing the umpire, he said, "That must have been really close, eh?"

For the religious types.

To resolve a dispute over the fate of a recently expired umpire with a long career as a player, the Devil proposed a cricket match between Heaven and Hell. St Peter, always fair minded, pointed out to the Devil that Heaven had all the cricketers.

"No problem", responds the Devil. "We have all the umpires!"

In reply to Norm

Belly laugh stuff dat

Crofty was bowling in another club match, against Everest. The batsman played back to one that flew up off a full length and took the shoulder of the bat, splitting the bat in the process.

Despite his involuntary twist of the head to avoid being hit, the ball then struck the batsman a glancing blow on the mouth, dislodging a couple of teeth. The batman then fell heavily on the stumps, twisting his back in the process.

As he came to his senses, despite the pain in his mouth and back, he saw the keeper's grinning face looking down at him, and heard him saying, "Bannas, you skunt lucky. That was a no ball."

In reply to Norm
"Elephant that was a no ball donkey to bat again"?

In reply to tops

That was from the Tradewinds. Listen here.

In reply to Norm

Is it true dat during a tour to South Africa, Hooper's called for him; one of the players said to her dat Carl is batting and she replied ah will hold on he will soon be out?

In reply to Maispwi

Hahaha! That joke was about some English guy playing English county cricket - not Hoops - at least not in South Africa! Steve Waugh claimed that Hooper was his rabbit. So, the joke would probably better fit Hoops in Australia.

In reply to Norm

//

In reply to Norm

So what's with a little name and or location change, the story still relevant. No?

Edited.

In reply to Drapsey

Hoops in Australia would be more relevant, I would say. Not to mention, Hoops' wife is Aussie too.

In reply to Norm

On Kanhai's first tour to England he was being introduced to the Queen by the skipper.

Queen: "So you are famous Rohan Kanhai. How are you, Rohan?"

Kanhai: "Aye queen, me dey"

Meanwhile during that series the Queen held party for the players. The waiter came up to Ramadin asking what he wanted to have. Now, the story back then was Ramadin did not drink alcohol or smoke. so instead of asking for a soft drink, Ram told the waiter, "Ah doessen drink and ah doessen smoke, boi"

Waiter came back with 12 drinks and 12 cigarettes.

In reply to googley

Hahahahaha! Probably true!




I know Sobers would not have let the drinks go to waste.

After Brown dropped Waugh its alleged that he was approached by a condom manufacturer to do a line of condoms dat wud be marketed under de slogan "Guaranteed not to catch anything"

In reply to Norm

Speaking of Sobers...story in Bim goes like this...

Everton Weeks went to visit Gary. As he drove up, he saw Gary with 2 WI blazers on in the hot Barbados sun painting.

Everton: "Gary, whats wrong with you? Do you want to get a stroke! Look how the place hot and you have on so much clothes paint in this heat"

Gary: "Everton, you think ah I stupid? Look it says right here on the can, for best results put on two coats"

In reply to Norm

Funny

I did see and hear on live tv Universal Boss tell the team, when licks was bussing tail, "allyuh spread out, spread out." He had taken the ball to bowl and just waved his hand at them to spread out..
Give credit where credit is due!
Dem always like to downplay Gayle.

In reply to googley

Old Berbician story since I was dis small.

The Ramadin story was really with the Queen also when she met the players..
Queen: "So Sonny, how are you?"

Sonny: "Meh deh man, me deh."

In reply to Norm

Sir Gary goes to dinner at a restaurant and the waiter directs him to his table. The waiter then pulls the chair for Sir Gary to sit and says "Can I". Sir Gary looking upset says:"No It's Sobers!!"

In reply to Maispwi

Hahahahaha! As in, guaranteed not to catch any disease!

In reply to googley

Sobers knew from childhood days that he wasn't cut out for academics. It was cricket or bust!

In reply to goofballs

Hahaha! Darn Yardie copycat! Shiv has the trade mark on that!

In reply to culpepperboy

Hahahaha! Kanhai was always trying to show up Sobers - even in the restaurant, it seems!

In reply to Norm


I probably wasn't following cricket then.

In reply to goofballs

When Kanhai was in England, he was the toast of cricket, The bartender asked him what he would like to drink
he replied "A dozen drink and a dozen smoke." the bartender brought a dozen drinks and cigarettes for him.

In reply to anandgb

Kanhai doesn't drink?

After the infamous Sobers declaration in Trinidad, the series moved to Guyana. Sobers approached The immigration officer;

Immigration Officer: "Anything to declare? ".
Sobers: "Never again"

They were serving Orange juice during test match in Trinidad.
Server: "Trout Hall, Mr. Sobers"
Sobers: No leave some for Kanhai

In reply to Baje

Oh shucks! Hahahaha! Too late tho.

When the number of female members of the Demerara Cricket Club became large enough for two teams, management asked Big Cat to be their batting coach. To everyone's surprise, Big Cat declined.

When asked for an explanation, he thought about it a little, and then said, "Look, if I had to coach these ladies to bat, I would have to tell them to keep their legs together ... I just can't do that ... it goes against my nature!"