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Teacher tells Johnny to use the word appearance in a sentence

Johnny: Mi put down mi bulla and when mi come back it full a pear ants

In reply to FanAttick

In reply to FanAttick

Teacher ask the Guyanese class to make a sentence with three words, defense, defeat, and detail. Balgobin answered: Miss, the cow jump over de fence, de feet first and de tail last. The boy got a dozen wild cane in his backside. :

In reply to CricSham

Albeit a variation from the theme of the thread, I think I'll throw this in.

Back in the day we were given the assignment to write a composition on the overworked topic, "My Ambition". Feeling that the topic was monotonous, I decided not to write any.

When asked by the teacher, Mrs. Ivy Reid, of the whereabouts of my composition, I told her that I couldn't complete the assignment because I didn't have any ambition.

In reply to FanAttick

In reply to CricSham

Since I cannot figure out the Jamaican way of talking, here is a simple one...

A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

In reply to sgtdjones

In reply to Drapsey
ROFL

Reminds me of Sister Carmelita telling us to study some section on Acts of di Apostles - on the day of the test I told her I would have to use the text book because I had not studied for the test and since I had no plan to become a nun, I really had better things to do with my time.

Little Johnny

A teacher asked the boys in the class to name things

that end with the letters 'tor', and that eat other things.
The first little boy the teacher asked said, 'Alligator'.
"Very good", the teacher said, "That is a nice one."

The second boy the teacher asked said, 'Predator'.
"Yes, that is another good example. Well done."

The teacher then reluctantly asked Little Johnny.
He quickly answered 'Vibrator'.
The teacher, after nearly falling off her chair, said "That is a big word,
but it does not eat anything."

Little Johnny replied,
"Well, my older sister has one, and she says that it
eats fcuking batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

In reply to Chrissy

Following that right into adulthood, every time I met up with Mrs. Reid, she always had the same reaction, "Yuh get ambition yet?".

In reply to sgtdjones

In reply to Drapsey
Waaaah - if she but knew

Ours was Balgobin and not Johnny!

Teacher walks into class and ask the kids to define starvation in a picture!

Like he always does, Balgobin always sit next to the smartest kid in class because he loves to copy. He saw the kid drew a circle with a dot in the middle, he did the same. The kid realized he was copying, fold the page and started scratching at the page. Balgobin did the same!

Now is time to explain your drawing! Smart kid to teacher, “Miss that is one grain of rice in a belly” teacher was impress and congratulate him.

When she got to Balgobin and saw his drawing, she went “Balgobin, why are there so many scratches on your drawing?” Balgobin said to her,”Miss this is a batty full of cobwebs” to which the teacher tell Balgobin his definition of starvation was the best!

Teacher once walked into her classroom with a short skirt. While writing on the blackboard, the chalk broke, she bend over to pick it up and saw Balgobin peeping. She asked him what he saw, he said “Miss I saw a little above your knees” she took him to the Headmaster office and he was expelled for three weeks.

Upon on his return to school, the same thing happened and the same question was asked by the teacher again and Balgobin responded “Miss, I saw a little more of your upper legs” again he wa
s taken to the Head Master and was suspended for six months.

Upon his return after serving his six months, the same teacher did the same thing again, chalk broke and she bend over to pick up. When she looked back, she saw Balgobin with all books in hand walking out of class. She yelled, “Balgobin! Where are you going?”. Balgobin said to her, “Miss, I got expelled twice to just see your upper legs but what I just saw there means my school career is over, I am done!”

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his
pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally,
but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'

The teacher sat down and cried.
...

Fred and Larry get married in California .

They couldn't afford a honeymoon. So, they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Little Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,
'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
Little Johnny says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think... I gave him my airplane glue.

In reply to sgtdjones

.....

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of
execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he
was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about,
'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?
Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub,
pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the
stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that
her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after
all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up
stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband,
bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed,

'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

PALM SUNDAY:

It was Palm Sunday, and, because of a sore throat, five year old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter.
When the family returned home, they were carrying several Palm branches.
Johnny asked what they were for.

"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."

"Wouldn't you know it!" Johnny fumed.

"The one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!"

In reply to sgtdjones

In reply to sgtdjones
Woy, me belly!

In reply to FanAttick
Big Boy's real name must be Johnny, eh?

--Æ.

Dat was real funny fi true

In reply to FanAttick

Wha' appen? Big Bway finally graduate so Little Johnny tek ova now.