Bling Bling Time

Thu, Jul 22, '04

 

musings with PERCY PATSON

Hello chaps, Percy Patson here. Erstwhile West Indian fan and general sellout that I am, I couldn't help but notice the growing predilection for, ummm, 'bling' amongst our cricketers.

There seems to be a growing correlation between losing and amount of 'bling' on show. The more West Indies loses, the shinier and bigger the earrings get. Must be like Viagra. The worst things get, the more of it people need.

Anyway chums, back to cricket. I watched the Rt. Hon Christopher Onry Gayle and I must say that he does the stereotype of West Indians proud. As I listened to my cherubic friend George describing how relaxed and loose limbed Gayle was, and seeing how stylishly our Yardie friend wears his designer sunshades, it is no wonder I barely remember that he dropped a couple catches on this tour. What a star he is. With his earring glistening in the sun he looked like a modern day pirate, albeit an underworked one.

Meanwhile, I received a couple of choice letters from readers of my first account. One West Indian woman from Trinidad called me names that I haven't heard since the neighbours dog ate some curry off my friend Suresh's table. "Ramnarine had more talent in his big toe than I had in my whole body," she said with a level of strong belief. Considering that I literally saw his big toe save a Test match for West Indies, I think the lady is not too far off the mark there, even by accident.

The West Indies team indeed has been the supposed target of disrespect by the ECB. Frightfully naughty, innit? I suppose it's like an old uncle who used to be young and buoyant and giving lots of dosh, coming over as a delinquent bum and expecting the same red carpet treatment. There are jokes about people like that.

I see young Bravo has been added into the pool of West Indian all-rounders. Good luck to the lad. One chap from Antigua close by was muttering about favouritism but we all know massa days are done. As I reminded the poor frustrated chap, look, the keeper is from Antigua. I mean how much more than that do these people want. As my Jamaican friend would say, CHO!

Lara, I have been told is a brilliant captain. He is simply lumbered with a poor inexperienced team. The evidence of his brilliance though is difficult to find considering he has throughout his brilliant captaincy been lumbered with poor teams. Catch 22, if you ask me. How do we know he is brilliant? Must be a West Indian inside job. He is smart because we know he is.

Back to Lords I go tomorrow. An old stalwart told me that I didn't look like a member. I promptly told him that he didn't look like someone with a black eye. He got the message and Percy Patson strode through, complete with rum and coke in plastic cup.

Now that's brilliance. The ability to get a message and forecast actions.