To: Andre Russell, cricketer
From: WADAH, ur bff
Subject: Tea & Other Enhancers
It's me, WADAH, ur bff, up here in cold Canada. Heard u had a little problem in Jamdown with my boys. One year suspension for "whereabouts" violation. Hot but hush. "Rules are rules", as 'The Big Man' Bolt says.
Try to understand, Andre. We have been suspicious about all you cricketers for a long, long time. Imagine Bradman averaging almost a perfect 100 runs an innings. Laker taking19 wickets in one Test. Lara scoring 501 and 400 in a county and Test innings. Always wondered how u all multitask so well. In the time it takes Bolt to make two strides from the blocks ur batsmen can pick up the line of the ball, judge bounce,pace and swing, move feet into position, pick out gaps in the field. Strange. U all must be on "something" . Wadah just can't figure out what. Not so far, anyway.
That's why Our Man In Jamaica, the supersleuth/analyst/spokesman/tester with nothing better to do than knocking on cricketers' doors at the crack of dawn to test urine, wanted to check u. To catch u "in the act", "redhanded" as the cops say. He wanted to check u right after u drank that pot of grandma's bush tea ! U know the one. It helped with that smooth run-up, correct planting of front foot, perfect follow through. But honestly, Andre, as we Jammies say, "don't feel no way". If u had drank more of that bush tea---the stronger version too ---with a few more tablespoons of sugar (brown) it would have helped with ur line and length. Imagine, u might have been right up there with Mikey and Courtney in the Test averages instead of just being a standout in the Slam-Bam-Thank-You...version.